My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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