sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
