and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
