Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
