apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
