dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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