i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
