i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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