Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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