My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
