OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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