I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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