I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
