I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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