Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
