Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
