I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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