I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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