I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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