So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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