That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there was a trapeze. enough said
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
