NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
