If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
