Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
