I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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