I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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