Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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