The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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