We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
