you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
