just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
