she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
