dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the liver wants what the liver wants
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
