Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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