you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
