Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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