Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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