I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come share oat with me in your robe
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
