Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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