I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
