I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
