she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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