nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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