Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
