At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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