four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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