trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's the barista slut.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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