In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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