His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
