i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
