I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
