Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
