ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
