I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
