Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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