Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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