do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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