Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
