it was like eating out sand paper
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
