Swine flu is the new snow day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
