the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
