All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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