if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
