I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
