yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
