I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
