I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
