I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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