Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize